Let's be real: Even if you made fitness resolutions, got new workout gear, and signed up for a bunch of workout classes, that "new year, new you" motivation has already started dwindling by week two. Our resident stargazers The AstroTwins, are here to find the humor in that inevitable mid-January workout slump.
Aries
I haven't found a trainer who challenges me yet.
Taurus
Crazy expensive blowout—waiting to work out 'til it's time to wash my hair next.
Gemini
Friend has unbelievable gossip. Rushed to meet for drinks.
Cancer
Heading home (sigh). My cat's separation anxiety is flaring up again.
Leo
Waiting for mirrored studio to offer my favorite class.
Virgo
Have you READ the statistics on gyms and germs?
Libra
You seriously cannot expect me to lift that.
Scorpio
Still interviewing private instructors—privately.
Sagittarius
Wait…I thought sex counts as cardio?
Capricorn
Crashing! Work was so busy that all I ate today was a gluten-free muffin.
Aquarius
Mercury retrograde f***ed up my FitBit.
Pisces
My acupuncturist said I need to ground myself before exerting any more energy.
