Kourtney Kardashian has experienced more than her fair share of life in the limelight, as the eldest sister to Kim, Khloé, Kendall and Kylie, and starring in the hit reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
One memorable moment from series 18 of the 20-season show was when the eldest Kardashian sibling had an argument with Kim, which escalated into a physical fight and resulted in make-up stains marking Khloé's walls. Thereafter, the mother-of-three announced that she would be leaving the show.
In a new interview with Bustle, Kourtney has opened up about having an identity crisis while filming E! series KUWTK.
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'I felt like I was being almost a character,' she recalled.
'I would fight with my sisters. There was, like, just a lot going on. And even for me personally, I wasn't in the happiest place.'
Kardashian, who will hit our screens again on April 14 this year in the families latest reality series The Kardashians, said of KUWTK: 'Shooting our show, it became a really toxic environment at the end for me. I would fight with my sisters. There was, like, just a lot going on. And even for me personally, I wasn't in the happiest place.'
Suggesting that the show's edits unfairly showed only the moody side of her and hid her joyous moments, the 42-year-old went on to say: '"This is Kourtney, and she's in a bad mood, so even though she was laughing really at lunch, we're going to cut out the laughing and let's only use the annoying comment that she said."'
Kardashian added: 'I was used to always being a b**** and having no feelings.'
The Poosh founder, who was actually the first member of her family to star in a reality show (Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive, which aired in 2005 on the same TV network), began a 'therapy journey' after the series concluded on June 20, 2021 which she explained made her 'really sensitive'.
'Normally I'd have a really good comeback [to insults], like, "Well, you're covered in cellulite." But then I would be like, "I have nothing mean to say. I'm not a b**** anymore,' she said.
'I just have feelings; like, an abundance of them. I would just start crying all the time.'
Kardashian's 'momager' Kris Jenner told the same publication: 'We were probably all just a little too hard on Kourtney, to be honest.'
As for now, Jenner noted: 'I think that Kourtney's really found that balance that she has craved for so long. And she's been happy. You can see it on her face and in the way she is and her laughter.'
Kardashian seemingly agrees, adding. 'Having the break shifted the mindset with my sisters. When you're doing that [show] every single day, you don't have the space to take a break and be like, "Wait, we actually love each other."'
Referring to the family's upcoming show the teaser trailer, which was released last month, Kardashian continued: 'It's so funny, because there was a little tease for our new show. And I saw people in the comments like, "Kourtney is already over the show. She looks miserable." I just find it funny. Workwise, I'm happier than I've ever been.'
Her relationship with fiancé Travis Barker undoubtedly has something to do with her happiness, too.
It's believed Barker will make his Kardashian reality show debut in the new series.
Kardashian formerly told Vogue Arabia: 'I have been filming the show non-stop for 14 years… I was feeling unfulfilled and it became a toxic environment for me to continue to have it occupy as much of my life as it was.'
At the time, she added: 'Privacy is something I have come to value and finding that balance of private moments with being on a reality show is hard. People have this misconception that I don’t want to work, which isn’t true. I am following my happiness and putting my energy into that which makes me happy.'
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